health

Where Do You Stop?

Recently, I heard a very compelling story for why so many of us “stop” in our efforts to get what we want in life before we get them. It is a story about a teeter-totter.

On the left side of this teeter-toter are piled up all of the reasons we can’t have something… say, a better job, a healthy relationship, freedom from debt, or whatever. Some of the reasons are legitimate, and some of them are just in our head. It really does not matter which are which… just that the left side of the teeter-totter is weighed down pretty heavily.Now, what we might like to do is to simply kick all of those things off of that side of the teeter-totter, making it easier to push down the side we want. Unfortunately, those efforts are harder to do than we might think because we are actually quite attached to those burdens. Take the case of a better job, for example. Even though we might not like the one we have, it’s usually better than being unemployed. Often, we find ourselves in scenarios that are too bad to stay in, but too good to leave unless there is something better already lined up. The point here is not the job… it’s that we are attached to the very things that we want to get rid of. We are attached to the same very obstacles we are trying to overcome in our pursuit of something better, faster, more exciting, more fulfilling, or whatever happens to be on the right side of our teeter-totter.

So we start piling up weights on the side that we want — the right side — and by all accounts it doesn’t make a bit of difference. The left side is still firmly stuck on the ground. So we keep applying to more jobs, looking for other work, talking to our references, etc. but we’re still stuck. Again, the job is not the issue here… it’s just an example. The point is that up until the very moment where the weight on the right side starts to exceed the weight on the left, we are not going to see movement.

There are two fundamental challenges we face with most of the significant change efforts in our lives. The first is that there is a lot of weight on the left, and half of that weight is invisible to us until we start trying to push against it. It is when we push against it that we begin to see how resistant to change our lives can really be. The second challenge is that because the teeter-totter does not move despite a considerable amount of initial effort, we stop trying! We have this expectation that any amount of work should be met with a comparable amount of progress to show for it. When that turns out to not be the case, we get discouraged.

The solution to this dilemma is also two-fold. The first part of the solution is to let go of our attachment to the right side of the teeter-totter (results). In our results-driven society, that sounds counter-intuitive. However, it is that same focus on results that often leads to giving up prematurely. Instead of focusing on the result, we need to focus on the actions that lead to results. We need to focus on continually adding weight to the right side. To support that effort, rewards also need to be associated with those positive actions, rather than merely with the final result.

The second part of the solution is to notice where you stop. Where do you stop piling weight on the right hand side? How much do you do before you get discouraged? How much positive feedback do you need in order to sustain your positive actions? Sooner or later, we all stop. Your task for the moment is merely to notice where you stop. The precise moment when you notice that you stop, rather than merely stopping but not paying attention, that is the moment of choice where you can gain leverage towards accomplishing your change effort. By noticing where you stop, you are empowered to choose differently — to keep sustaining the actions that will support your primary goal independent of the attachment to the final result.

Or, in the words of Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Tell a Good Story

For the past several days there have been two girls selling lemon at the top of the street where I live. they have colorful signs and decorations, and from 500 yards away one can see them energetically bouncing around for attention and the hope of making a sale.

Tonight as I came home from work, a group of about 5 boys of the same age as the girls walked passed, taunting and poking fun at the girl’s efforts. I saw their interaction from afar, and only learned the details as I got closer and pulled up to my mailbox. That’s when the girls approached me, not to make a sale, but to say how the young boys had hurt their feelings. The boys called the girls “the Wall-Mart of lemonade stands,” and said that the girls were “Republicans.”

OK, so it’s a pretty liberal neighborhood when the latter statement is intended as an epithet. In response to the girl’s complaint, I asked if the boys had hurt their feelings, or if the girls had let the boys hurt their feelings.

“But I don’t shop at Wall-Mart!” one exclaimed.

“If they say you are the Wall-Mart of lemonade, what does that really mean?”

After a brief pause, the girl admitted “I don’t know,” with a hint of confusion in her voice.

I told her that “Wall-Mart started out small and became hugely successful because they always focused on delivering value to their customers. So if you really are the Wall-Mart of lemonade, you’ve got the makings of a very successful young business lady.”

“Oh!” She said, with both surprise and a smile on her face.

Because I still had her attention, I continued. “So then whether something is an insult or a compliment really depends on the story we tell our self about what it means.” She had a pensive look on her face, and I wondered if what I just told her made any sense at her young age.

“Then I should tell myself a good story,” she said, followed by offering me a free lemonade.

So did she really understand? In the story I tell myself she did! But as adults, what are the stories we tell ourselves on a regular basis? Do we see and interpret our environment with stories that bring us life, energy, enthusiasm, and foster a sense of potential? Or have we matured, grown wise and become more cynical (which we tell ourselves is “realistic”) about what is actually possible today?

We all have our stories, and we all have good reasons for believing them, based on our life experience. Yet how often do we really evaluate if these stories are even true? Yes, of course, they are true for us now, but the beauty of possibility is that as adults we can also start telling ourselves new stories. We have the ability to consciously choose to create a new reality simply by noticing the stories we tell our self, and making a choice about whether those stories really protect us, or if they restrict us in our lives. And if our stories restrict us, then for goodness sakes, tell a new story! Make it a good one — full of life, power, passion, potential, and all that is possible.

Oh, and the lemonade was delicious.

Angles Within Us

In the movies City of Angels, and Wings of Desire, people going about their lives were often caught up in negative self-talk. The angles, who would hear all this but could not be seen by people, would occasionally come close to a person engaged with their frustrations, anxieties, or fears and the angel would touch that person. Usually, it was a simple gesture, like a hand on the shoulder, but that simple touch was actually touching the lives of those who were negatively engaged.

I have two angles of my own at home now – two infants, still less than a month old. Periodically, they will be in deep sleep, only to startle, fidget, or fuss, beginning with small whimpers, then reaching a crescendo of full blown wailing. But if I notice their fussing early on, before it reaches such an energetic apex, I can put my hand on their head or chest, or bring my cheek to theirs and they usually calm down and return to blissful sleep.

It works the other way around, too. When I find myself engaged with life’s frustrations, I can hold them close to me and everything melts away into love and compassion – for both of them, and for myself.

So what’s actually happening in these moments – the angle’s touch, my hand on the babies’ chest, or their soothing power over me? I suspect that in all cases it is all about open, genuine contact, offered lovingly, without judgment, expectation, or attachment to outcome.
As adults, we experience these moments with each other too, though they are often so few and far between, so rare and utterly unexpected, that we forget that each and every one of us has the power to touch another human being in that way. All of us have within us the capacity to be touched and soothed by that genuine contact, offered by another without judgment, expectation, or attachment to outcome.

Thus, by once again remembering that power and capacity within me, I see the model for who I want to be.

That’s also part of my draw to coaching, and a picture of how I relate to clients – open, making genuine contact, offered lovingly and without judgment, expectation, or attachment. My intention with my clients is that through my “Being,” by coming from that place and making authentic, heartfelt contact, that you reconnect with the angles within you to see more clearly the way to achieve your own Primary Goals in life.

The Quest for "Healthy" Organizations

Whether we do it consciously or not, all of us pay attention to the health of our environments, especially the organizations where we work. Depending on one’s role within an organization, our assessment may range from a casual gut-check of what it feels like to work there to a detailed set of Key Performance Indicators that are actively being managed. In the case of a publicly traded company the metrics and reporting take on an added level of importance, perhaps accentuating some measures (cash flow, ROI, etc.) at the expense of others (morale, turnover, commitment).

Part of the challenge with “organizational health” is that, unlike financial terms, it is not defined in a consistent manner between organizations. Even within a single office or department, there can be differing notions of what health really means depending on what is important to whom. Yet while conversations about how to do things better, faster, or cheaper are common in most companies, as are discussions about headcounts, seldom is there much open dialog about what “health” actually means. Instead, the topic of health comes up most often when it is perceived to be missing – when people perceive something to be unhealthy.

As part of my theory of practice, “health” within an organization is comprised of many things, some of which include:

• Effective communication between various levels of the organization.
• An ability to engage in productive conflict to arive at better decisions and generate appropriate buy-in.
• High levels of trust and mutual accountability.
• Flexible rather than rigid decision making styles, allowing adaptation to the demands of the situation.
• A deliberate focus on teaching and learning at all levels for the purpose of continual improvement (Kaizen)
• A clear definition of what is valued within the organization and celebration of successes.
• An ability to manage ever increasing change at multiple levels.
• A clearly articulated vision for the future with efforts directed towards achieving that vision aligned between departments.

More important to organizational health than any single item that I might list is that the conversation about health actually take place within your organization. Sometimes, people assume that having an off-site with senior management to create a new mission statement, or to define the vision for the next three years serves the same purpose as a discussion on health. While it may be the case in rare instances, the important part about “health” discussions is that health has a significantly larger focus on how people within the organization are going to achieve the mission and strive to make the vision real down at the level of interpersonal interactions. Health has a greater focus on how people relate to each other, and often has a considerable overlap with what is commonly called “culture.”

So let’s assume that you want to engage all or parts of your organization in a dialog about health. We can even assume that your organization has been around for a while and that it has a well established culture. Some aspects of that culture may be beneficial, while others exert a tax on productivity and effectiveness. Some common questions about how to discuss health might include:

• Where would we start?
• What would that conversation look like?
• Who should be involved in these conversations?
• How do we generate the level of trust required to even engage this topic in a meaningful way?
• How will we manage the diversity of ideas that are likely to surface, especially in cases where some views of health are diametrically opposed to others?
• How will we decide what constitutes health in the face of these differences?
• Once we get greater clarity on what health means for us, how do we go about addressing entrenched ways of being that differ from our stated ideals?
• How do we tie any notion of “health” back to more concrete metrics like ROI with greater external visibility?

These are not trivial matters, yet uncertainty about the answers need not be a barrier to taking the first steps towards defining health within your organization. An Organizational Development consultant can be of great value here by working with senior management to define an initial framework for how issues of health can best be addressed within your organization. Together, we can then plan how to most effectively involve the broadest set of people possible. The numbers really depend on whether you are trying to address health on a departmental level, within senior management, or corporate wide.

Strategies will differ, of course, but the most important factor in addressing organizational health is that somebody with appropriate authority to bring about change take the lead in starting the dialog about why health is important, and how this “soft” or intangible aspect of organizational life significantly impacts the bottom line.

In cases when you personally see the costs of poor organizational health, but lack the sponsorship to lead the dialog yourself, making the connection between health and your company’s bottom-line goals becomes all the more important as you advocate your goals and seek appropriate sponsorship for these discussions higher up. Here too, an OD coach can help you strategize the best ways to tie issues of organizational health back to the primary goals that your supervisors are trying to accomplish.

If you are ready to begin the dialog about what health really means in your organization, or if you are looking for guidance or coaching in how to make a business case for why organizational health matters, then contct Primary Goals. Together, we can make a difference.